LIV2DAY – Episode 51 – “START2DAY Dealing with Toxic People”

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Hi there. I'm Dr. Paul McDonald. And I welcome you to my podcast live today. It's here that Together, we'll explore the concept of balance, as God designed it to be, for us, his children, balance of the mind, the body and the spirit. And it's what I've named Theo synthesis, and it's here waiting for you. Wow, are you ready to dig into this week's topic? I gave you a hint last week, as we ended the show, saying that we're going to really dive into this topic of toxic people and how to deal with them. And I bet you, all of you can relate. So in order to fully live today, and to actually start today, living your best life, you have got to tackle this topic. Because too many people are dealing with the toxic venom that others spew at them, which holds you back. If you're trying to lose weight, you've got that person nipping at your heels. You can't do this, you're too weak, or you want to start that exercise program. You need people in your life, who are building you up, and not tearing you down. So it is so important. As we start today, in order to live today that we are moving forward in a positive fashion. In my book live today, there are 43 chapters of wonderful topics that will get you thinking and desiring to make changes in your life towards abundance in the mind, and the body, and spirit. And this series called start today is designed to get you absolutely moving in that direction of better living. So today, we're focusing on the mind. And I believe that one of the biggest stumbling blocks to starting anything is right in between your own ears, your mind. And throughout our lives, we can easily get caught up in negative self talk, that is not life giving. And also, we encounter along the way, other people who inject their own toxic non life giving words into your life, and they can hurt and they can go very deep. And it's sometimes you carry it for a lifetime.

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So last week, I shared that a toxic person is defined as someone who is extremely harsh, malicious or harmful. Interestingly, the origin of the word toxic comes from the late Latin, toxic us or toxic come, which means poison. And then interestingly, from Greek, it's toxicon with a K, and it means an arrow poison. And I find that so interesting and fascinating that the Greek form toxicon. Visually you can see this poisonous arrow. And Wow, isn't that what toxic people do is they aim their verbal words and their poison directly at their target, desiring to hurt them and bring them down. And a toxic person is definitely dealing with their own soup of misery for whatever reason. And their own personal hurts, however, should never affect another person. They should not be projecting their hurts onto you. And therefore, you need to recognize them and not allow it. So we're going to talk about that today. So toxic people can and will wreak havoc on your life, as many of us carry hurtful words and deeds that have been inflicted upon us for a lifetime. Sadly, a lot of them come from our own family members. And most recently, I have been inundated by a fellow businessman in my town whose only desire is to undermine me speak falsely about me. And a quite frankly try to ruin my character. And while it's not fun, I have had to learn to really stand up to him. And so as I'm navigating this these attacks, I do have to lean heavily on prayer and have my strong spiritual circle of friends and I'm so thankful for them. But I have vowed that this person will not remove one ounce of my joy But my friends, you know how hard this is, it is easier said than done. But first of all, when you are walking with Christ, it really is difficult to understand how people can be so mean, it's just hard. And I guess it's great that we can't really understand that because we don't think that way. But we do have to guard ourselves against people who are that way. And so this is where you must begin to allow yourself to not become tainted by the toxic person inflicting their poison. And thankfully, when we follow our Lord Jesus Christ, we do not have the mind of evil, we have the mind of Christ, as we are reminded of in First Corinthians 216, who has known the mind of the Lord, so as to instruct him. But we have the mind of Christ. I love, love, love this verse, especially in light of this topic.

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As you are listening to this, or later on in your quiet time, I want you to really pray about those people in your life, who you are exposed to, who may be shooting those toxic arrows into your life, write their names down, and what it is that they specifically do, to bring these toxins into your life. Then pray each person by name, give them to God, and give him your hurts. Also, as hard as it is, claim forgiveness to each one. And then most importantly, you claim authority over them. In Jesus's name, I cannot emphasize that enough, in authority with Jesus's name, you call them out. When we take the time to be extremely intentional in our prayer life, we can cut to the chase and let go of the things and the people who desire to hurt us. And yes, they have an agenda. And so you have an agenda as well. And your agenda is so much stronger than anything they can throw at you. So also, last week, I talked about three quick strategies of how to deal with a toxic person. Number one, do not allow them to have any of your energy, don't give it up. And of course, you're going to have to deal with these people, but do it in the authority in Christ. Don't allow them to rob you of any joy. And you continue to shine your light, despite anything, they throw your way. And that's why daily Ephesians six tells us that we need to have on the whole armor of God every single day. So you hold that shield up. And those poisonous arrows just turn to rubber and fall right off. That's what you arm yourself with daily. Number two, don't be afraid of them. You face them head on. And what this means you're not going to hide from them. You're not going to allow them to have you spend days under your blankets in depression. No, no, you're claiming authority on them, you're going to face them head on. And you're going to raise your head high and you're going to shine your light of Christ so brightly that they want to run and hide when they see you. And three, you're going to pray. Give it to God and ask others to help you with this prayer request. The power of prayer, as we know, it transcends all time and space. And there is truly power in prayer. James 516, the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. You got to believe in that. The really sad part in regarding toxic people is that if you were to peel back the layers of their own lives, you bet most likely they are hiding deep hurts that they have never dealt with. And so they suppress these hurts. And they form the defense mechanism known as narcissism, egomaniacs sociopath and sometimes even psychopaths. Each of these types of people are so wrapped up in their own ego and agenda that they simply do not care who they've got to step on along the way. And that is not okay. And sadly, the most of them, they really enjoy hurting others, they enjoy sucking that life out of you. It gives them this false power that fuels their sick, sick parts. It's very sad. And so therefore, when you can start identifying them, and you can recognize these behaviors, as soon as you recognize them, man, you know, okay, I'm going to arm myself against this person. They cannot rob your joy, your power and your energy, and guess who starts winning the battle? And that is you. Hi, stay tuned for my mini podcast, ask Dr. Paula. It'll be in the last five minutes of the show, and a time for me to answer your questions. So to submit a question, simply go to Dr. Paula McDonald comm and click on contact me, I can't wait to hear from you.

What is sad, but very evident today is people are becoming more and more angry and more and more self absorbed. Have you guys noticed this? It's as if people believe that because they're mad and angry that it is alright, to inflict pain on others. I mean, go back to two summers ago. And look at all the riots. These people were, they had absolutely gone mad. And it was as if they thought it was okay. Because they're angry to just destroy anything in their path. It's a very sick and sad way to be. But you guys know that as more people lose their way, and have no faith in Christ, and they move further into an atheistic belief, they become more and more angry. I've never met an atheist that was joyfilled ever. They want to argue and prove their point. And it's just like, Okay, I, you have no joy. I don't even want to spend time around you. It's really sad. But as believers, we understand this because Christ is the center of our joy. And without him in our lives, there really is an empty hole that will be filled with something else if it's not with Christ. And so this was one of the main principles in my book Theo synthesis live today. And Theo synthesis was an inspired word that I was given. And so I trademarked it long before my book became a reality. And so theose means God. And synthesis means to be in union with. And what became so clear to me was that our God, the Creator, He made all things with precision, and balance in this world. And as humans, we too, are designed to be balanced in all of our systems, when something is off, this is when we experience dis ease. Live today is a complete book on this balance of the mind, the body and the spirit. And so many of us focus on important things like diet and exercise. But often, we forget the importance of spiritual balance. And when we leave God out, we will try to fill that void that belongs to him with other things, drugs, alcohol, sex, and yes, even angry, narcissistic egos. And so this lesson today in our series of start today is super critical as you embark on this journey of moving forward in making changes with your life. And with our topic today, it is very difficult to move forward in making any significant changes if we are burdened and held down by those toxic people. And sadly, many people desire to hurt others. They see your light, and they want to extinguish it. And trust me, if you are living your life out loud for Christ, others who hate the light and hate Christ, they will want to bring you down. And we know, however, that the darkness can never sniff out the light of Christ. So it's time to take your stand with Christ in your corner and determined that you will no longer be taken captive by any toxic person that comes into your life. You do not have to battle them any longer. So once you've identified who these people are, that are aiming their toxic poison arrows at you, now you can take the steps to defuse and deflect them The next step is for you to set clear boundaries for yourself. For instance, if you're ready to take your life back from a toxic bully who verbally abuses you, you've got to decide how you will set these boundaries, and then communicate those boundaries to them. Very important step, it's going to require boldness.

Depending on the toxic bully, it will be important to understand the best mode of communicating your boundaries to them. Now, of course, if they appear to be a dangerous person, you're not going to want to get face to face. But I believe one of the best ways no matter what no matter how you're going to approach them is to first put your thoughts down on paper, be clear and concise how they have crossed the line in your life. And then I want you just to bullet point, the main points on your boundaries. Okay, it's important that we don't get too caught up in too much words, it'll just become a big word soup that nobody will read, or really follow. And so let's say you've got a fellow co coworker who's really, they just love to tear you down, even if it's in a joking sort of way, whatever it is, they love to do this in front of other people. And then they say, oh, Haha, just kidding. But it really affects you. So your letter then would need to say exactly what they're doing, and how, and why this is unacceptable to you. So you set your boundaries by these bullet points, perhaps, hey, you may not speak ill of me in any form, I will no longer allow you to disrupt my life in this manner. And should you continue with your abuse, I'm going to call you out. I'm going to call you out. And then you can always stop in with I wish you the best. And I pray that you will find the piece that is missing in your life. Now, I don't know how they're going to respond. And it's not my responsibility. My responsibility is I'm setting up my boundaries, and you are going to be communicated with these and I'm telling you, I'm telling you what you can and cannot do in my life. So no one deserves to be verbally abused by another. Nor is it alright to torment another person passively, aggressively, or via any other manner. Take the stand today to end the toxic spew aimed at you. And as you start today, taking this first step to free yourself from the toxic people in your life will provide you with a newfound freedom. Do not allow yourself to fall into their trap any longer. Your life is precious, and every moment counts. Join with me as we study the Bible in a new and fresh way. And it's called exhale, Bible discovery, right here and every Wednesday on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you podcasts. And visit my website, Dr. Paula mcdonald.com. For more information. I just have a quick ask Dr. Paula today, what is the one thing that you have taken time to do for yourself today? Self Care is underrated. And many overlook their own needs while caring for everyone else around them. You put on your own oxygen mask first as directed in an airplane, and then help those around you. The point is, if you have passed out, you cannot help those who need your help. You are needed in these times. And these last few years have been stressful for everyone. Do a quick self assessment today with how you are feeling both physically and mentally. If you're feeling off in any manner, perhaps it's time to do something for you. Take a walk, read a book, go to your favorite coffee shop with a friend and spend hours there, take a nap, get a pedicure, or whatever makes you say, Ah, today is the day to take just a little bit of a break to give yourself a pat on the back. And when you do, don't feel guilty about it. Embrace and reflect on the fact that you are breathing and alive today. Never lose sight of life itself. It is fleeting and precious to go out there and fully live today. Well I would love for you to shoot me your questions and comments. Just get to know you by going to Dr. Paula mcdonald.com. Click on the Connect tab and let me know who you are. So until next time Are you fully living today? Thank you for joining me friends. My prayer for you is that you would seek to live today and everyday in balance and an abundant connection with God